Love me in my language

It is really true that without understanding, we can never truly love one another. I remember one of my friendships back in university. We did a lot together. Sometimes, I would leave the comfort of my bed to go and perch on hers in her hall. There were times she did the same too. We would discuss one of our courses, watch a movie, cook and eat together.

One day, she said to me “I see how you treat me when I come to your place. Don’t you see how I treat you when you come over?” Hehe, well, maybe she was right. She treated me like a guest. She would serve my food in a tray and ask all the right questions to ensure I am comfortable. When it was time to go, she would walk me to the porter’s lodge and bid me goodbye. On the other hand, when she came to my place, I treated her like one of my roommates. “You know where everything is so, serve yourself and make yourself comfortable”. When there was food, I made her serve herself.

I would let her pick items she needed from my wardrobe herself. When she was leaving, I would walk her halfway or more than halfway through the journey. The truth is that I never thought about any of these till she complained. I would never have known she was uncomfortable when she came to my place. If I had understood this earlier, of course I would have “treated her better”. 

We each had the right intentions for each other. However, we did not understand what the other wanted. By serving me everything, I always felt like a guest there. On the other hand, she thought she was giving me ‘the princess treatment’.

By allowing her to do things for herself, I thought I was making her feel at home. Each of us thought wrong. We loved each other the way we wanted to be loved. Until there was communication, this continued and each would leave feeling less than welcome in the other’s world. 

Communication is very important in our relationships whether personal or professional. But while communication is key in all human encounters, we must first understand ourselves to a certain degree. It is the only way we can communicate to others what we want. This way, we can be more loving to each other in our walk together. 

I hope we can give and receive love in the appropriate language.  

God bless you!